I Get By
by Lord Ansem
Summary: After the attack of the Remnants, things did not go quite as Tifa Lockhart had planned. Cloud x Tifa


**A/N: **My first time writing this pairing, and I think it came out pretty all right. I don't think there's too much OOC, except the ending is annoyingly cliche'd, but I had really no idea of how else to end it.

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing; both characters belong to Square-Enix

* * *

I Get By

_Cloud Strife & Tifa Lockhart_

]-%-[

Tifa was stirred to consciousness by a set of all-too-familiar footsteps. The darkness told her that it was either very late at night, or very early in the morning. The door to her bedroom opened and closed in a hushed manner. Tifa closed her eyes and feinted sleep; the footsteps paused at the end of her bed, and she felt him gazing at her for a moment, before he retreated to his side of the room.

This was the case almost every night, and Tifa could not help but feel a frustrated sort of anger towards the blonde haired man. Yes, things had improved since he had defeated Sephiroth and the Remnants; he no longer lived in the decimated church. Yet it still didn't feel as if he lived with her, either.

Tifa rolled over onto her back the moment his breathing deepened with sleep. She stared at the ceiling, biting her bottom lip. Truth be told, she was afraid to talk to him about the situation, for fear that he would leave her, Marlene, and Denzel all over again.

Fatigue tugged at Tifa's eyelids, and she succumbed. She knew she had to speak with Cloud eventually, if not for herself, but for the children.

]-%-[

Cloud was groggy when he awoke that morning. He had been wandering the Midgar ruins late that night, stopping by the Buster Sword before returning wearily to Edge. He had the closure and forgiveness he so desperately sought, yet it felt as if he were losing Aerith. If that was still even possible.

Cloud knew that he needed to move on, that he could never be happy until he let her go. He was afraid, afraid of losing her. If he lost her, he lost everything. Or so he reasoned. Perhaps Cloud was so blinded by his own suffering and self-loathing that he was made oblivious to the pains of those close to him.

He rolled out of bed, knowing that it was well into the afternoon, and that there was no chance of escape without facing Marlene and her questions. Cloud dressed in his usual attire, ruffling his hair in a futile attempt to tame the mass of spikes. Tifa's bed was already made, a great contrast to the tangle of sheets that were the result of his many sleepless nights. He hadn't talked to the dark haired woman very much during the past few weeks. Tifa _was_ important to him.

Yet so was Aerith.

]-%-[

Tifa had set a fourth plate on the table, in the half-hearted hope that Cloud would stick around and join them for lunch. She heard him tromping down the stairs, but did not bother to turn and greet him. Tifa had remembered, with an uncanny clarity, his sneaking back into the 7th Heaven late the previous night.

_When will it end?_ She thought with a sigh, as Cloud walked past the bar and the booth where Marlene and Denzel sat, and over to the front door. Marlene, spotting him immediately, wiggled her way out of the seat and ran to him. She clutched at the bottom of his SOLDIER sweater, gazing up at him with sad eyes.

"Please don't leave us again, Cloud!"

Tifa was watching them from the corner of her eye; this scene had played many times since Cloud had moved back in. It was one excuse after another, and Tifa knew that the blonde man's constant absences affected Marlene and Denzel more than he realized.

"I have deliveries to make," Cloud told her quietly. "Go eat lunch."

"Only if you do, too!" Marlene shot back stubbornly.

"Cloud is very busy, Marlene," Tifa broke in, her voice carefully composed to hide how sick this was making her feel. "The holidays are coming up, after all."

The little girl's attention snapped between him and her for a moment, before her large brown eyes grew glassy, threatening to spill over with tears of anguish, frustration, and sadness. Denzel stood up on the booth-seat, staring over the back at Cloud. He said nothing, but his face was grim.

"I need to go…" Cloud detached himself from Marlene and pulled the door open.

"Then promise that you'll come back," the young girl sobbed, snatching his shirt once more as a few traitorous tears slid down her cheeks.

Tifa closed her eyes, silently listening to the Marlene's cries. She had to act now; it was time for Cloud to stop running. Cloud didn't answer, nor did he look at the young girl whose small hands were firmly clenching his sweater. Tifa walked over to Marlene, gently picking her up and bringing her back to the booth. Denzel watched, but said nothing.

The floodgates were thrown open as Marlene cried violently into Tifa, her shoulders heaving as she buried her face in the woman's neck. Tifa patted her back and whispered soft comments into the girl's ear, hoping to soothe her so that the dark haired woman would have time to speak to Cloud.

The blonde, however, hadn't moved, resulting in a gentle breeze sweeping into the bar through the open door. "Marlene, it's all right," Tifa said quietly, Marlene's raucous tears having simmered down to mild hiccups and sobs.

She pulled away, her fair face blotchy, eyes swollen. "Stop him, Tifa," she pleaded.

"Stay here with Denzel and eat. I'm going to go talk to him," Tifa ordered gently as she sat Marlene down in the booth.

Tifa turned and walked over to where Cloud stood, shutting the door and muttering into his ear, "We need to talk."

"Later," he returned, his voice distant.

"No." Tifa couldn't let him hurt Marlene or Denzel again; today's episode was the worst so far. Marlene had never cried that hard before. "Now."

Cloud reluctantly turned to face her, and stared down at her irritably. His bright Mako-blue eyes were empty, reminiscent of the ones belonging to the broken man who lived in the dilapidated church. _After everything, he's _still _blaming himself?_ This wouldn't be the first time Tifa lashed out at Cloud, although these moments were few and far between.

Tifa took his arm (ignoring how stiff he became as she did so) and half dragged, half led him into the small storage room behind the counter. She closed the door behind them, knowing that Denzel and Marlene's ears would more than likely be to the thin wood the moment they started talking. _That is, if Cloud even answers me, _Tifa thought sardonically.

She pulled the chain connected to the bare bulb that hung from the ceiling, bathing the storage closet in a dim light. Cloud was leaning against the western wall, the one that wasn't cluttered with various shelves, boxes, and bags. His arms were crossed, and his eyes stared blankly at the cement floor. He was miles away, and Tifa decided that this was hardly any better than his living in the Midgar ruins. "Cloud…" she sighed.

"_Look at you! You think you've got it so damn hard. You hate being alone, so let people in! Sure you may not answer the phone, but I don't see you throwing it away either._"

Tifa had hoped that Cloud was maybe even a little better, a little more vivacious now that both Aerith and Zack had expressed that they did not blame him. Her mind flickered back to that day, when the healing waters imbued with pure Lifestream flowed from the flowerbed in Aerith's church; when Cloud had encouraged the infected children of Edge to allow the spring to heal them of their Geostigma; …when Cloud had smiled. She had felt the flower girl and the young SOLDIER's presence, and had prayed that the lost, broken man before her was gone for good.

Tifa had often felt jealousy towards Aerith, because of the way Cloud felt about her. The barmaid had tried to comfort herself by saying that Cloud had Zack's memories, and it was simply a matter of the black haired man's feelings for the flower girl conveying into Tifa's old friend. But she could never be sure, and Cloud was locked up tight.

"I know what you're going to say." She was taken slightly off guard, not expecting Cloud to speak first, if at all. _Maybe he is a little better after all…_ Tifa didn't dare hope such a thing; she didn't know if she could bear any more disappointment.

"Then why don't you do something about it?" She cringed mentally, her tone harsher than intended.

"I just…" Cloud faltered. "I just need some time to think… Tifa."

"About what?" She wanted to help him; she wanted to help him more than anything. Even if Cloud didn't return her feelings, Tifa could not bear to be without him. She didn't know how she would react if he ran away again. "Please… let me help you. And _don't_ say you don't deserve my help."

"You can't help me," Cloud stated, much to Tifa's frustration. "I… I'm not even sure what's wrong myself."

"Try to explain it to me, then," she pleaded. "You're not alone; you don't need to keep everything bottled up anymore."

"It's none of your concern."

His cold words struck her deep, rending a large gash in her throttled heart. Her first reaction was to give in and allow him to leave. Cloud never once looked up at Tifa, his eyes fixed somberly on the floor. "You'll never change, huh?" Hers was the voice of defeat. "Well, I'm done."

He finally looked at her, puzzled. Tifa turned to the door, grasping the cool brass knob in her trembling hands. _Am I really going to do this? Am I really giving up?_ She had been pining for so long; she had tried so hard to help him. Perhaps… perhaps Tifa Lockhart had nothing left to give.

**]-%-[**

Cloud was confused, to say the least. His thoughts were tangled, and his mind was running in circles. He had made Marlene cry yet again; it was becoming quite the habit of his. He didn't really understand why he was acting this way. Aerith had forgiven him, hadn't she?

There was another question that circulated through his spiky head. It was daunting and nerve-wracking, to say the least. _Did I love Aerith as much as I thought? Or was that Zack?_

He knew what was coming when Tifa had pulled him into the storage closet. Cloud was completely aware of the pain he was causing, unlike the last time. Maybe it would have been better for him to move back to the church. Marlene's violent tears, however, had proved him otherwise in such a way that he felt guilty for even thinking of leaving them. He didn't know what was worse: being ignorant or being aware of the pain he was causing.

"It's none of your concern." Cloud didn't want Tifa to get involved again; he didn't want his issues to become hers as well.

"I'm done."

Those two words snapped his entire focus onto his childhood friend. He had never thought that Tifa would actually give up on him, it seemed so surreal. It was true that Cloud had taken her for granted, but he never thought this day would come. His indecision just might have cost him his closest companion, whom he always believed would be at his side.

_Was it I who loved Aerith?_

_Or was it Zack?_

Tifa paused at the door, perhaps waiting for Cloud to stop her. She was giving him one last chance, he realized. Cloud Strife had never been good at conveying his feelings, and this time was no different. "Tifa, wait…" Was that really his voice? Was he broken that badly?

She glanced back at him over her shoulder, her face ambiguous and carefully composed. Tifa would take this maturely, and handle it as painlessly as possible, he knew. Cloud's temper flared, and the thought to hop on Fenrir and flee flashed into his mind. Was this how Tifa felt whenever Cloud had answered her with such apathy? No… he would stay. He owned this much to Tifa; if she was leaving him, she deserved closure.

"I'm not good at this…" he started, rather lamely. Her expression, however, remained patiently the same. "But… I need to know. _Why_ do you want to help me so much?"

Her dark eyes flickered downwards, and a soft sigh escaped her lips. "You're my friend, Cloud," Tifa stated, dark brown locking with Mako-blue. Cloud held her gaze steadily. "No…" she paused, taking a deep breath. "You're more than that. I don't think there's anyone else that I feel this way about."

Tifa trailed off, turning to lean her fore head against the door. "I'm sorry," Cloud muttered, tracing patterns on the cement floor with his eyes. "I'm sorry… that I hurt you."

Tifa was silent, and Cloud took that as an incentive to go on.

]-%-[

She needed this. She needed this more than he could possibly know. Tifa only prayed that Cloud would say all that he needed to, and wouldn't falter and stop. _Am I really strong enough to go through with this? Can Marlene, Denzel, and I get along without him? I was in Nibelheim, alone, for a while, after all…_

_It's not the same…_

"I'm… trying." Cloud's quiet voice stumbled onward. "I want to be happy, but I just… I can't let her go, Tifa. You… you wouldn't understand."

She whipped around to face him, her emotions colliding in a sick reciprocation of the animus Carmagnole. "Wouldn't understand?" Tifa fumed. "Don't think for a minute, Cloud Strife, that you were the only person who lost someone important. Aerith was my friend too; don't be so selfish. She was important to Marlene, Barret, Cid, Yuffie, and Vincent; but you don't see them sulking around. You don't see me abandoning the people I care about, because in truth, Cloud, what else do you or I really have left?

"Everyone is gone. My parents, your parents… everyone we knew and loved in Nibelheim is dead. Maybe Aerith was the breaking point for you, I don't know, but are you just going to give up on everything you worked so hard for? Marlene and Denzel need _us_, Cloud, not just _me_. Along with Barret, we're the only ones those children have. Maybe it's time you left that damn pity party of yours and faced what you've been avoiding. Aerith is dead, Cloud, and no amount of denial or self-hatred is going to change that. I know you miss her, I do too, but you _need_ to move on. Even if you won't do it for yourself… or me… please, do it for Marlene and Denzel." Cloud closed his eyes, his arms tensed, as if he were hugging himself to keep from going to pieces. His face was one of pain.

Tifa was struck with horror and guilt; everything she had felt and kept inside had come gushing out. She felt a little lighter, but that vanished quickly when she spotted Cloud's expression. _He's going to leave again, and this time it's my fault…_

The silence was louder than the flashiest Shinra bomb, and Tifa hoped upon hope that Marlene and Denzel had listened to her and were not eavesdropping. Her heart went out to them, and she wished for the two to never have to endure something like this. It was tearing Tifa apart.

"You're right."

She thought, for a second, that she was hearing things. His voice was quiet, as was his soft-spoken nature, yet strong. "You're right," Cloud repeated, a little louder this time, his voice steady and unfaltering.

Silence settled once more, although not nearly as oppressive as its predecessor. _So… what now?_ Cloud pushed off from the wall and came to stand a few feet behind her, his head down.

"I'm not going to run away again," he stated, lifting his eyes to meet Tifa's. "I just… need to be alone; to think."

She appraised him for a moment. Cloud's face was the same as it had been since they were young children in Nibelheim, albeit much older and except for the bags under his blue eyes. Tifa frowned slightly: he wasn't sleeping well, if at all. Personal experience had warned Tifa that leaving Cloud Strife alone with his thoughts was, more often than not, a bad idea.

"Do you think… that being alone now is best?" she delved slowly, carefully. "You've been alone for so long…"

He looked down, as if the answer to her question was engraved in the cement. She knew that he was probably thinking he didn't deserve to hang around. "At least… at least stay for lunch." Tifa hoped that maybe being around the children would help change his mind. "I made enough food, and I'm sure Marlene and Denzel wouldn't mind you joining us."

"…Yeah."

Tifa smiled slightly, relieved, as she turned the doorknob. _Aerith… this is what you wanted, right?_

**]-%-[**

Cloud Strife had once been in love with Tifa Lockhart, back during their time in Nibelheim. Nothing had ever arose between the two, however, due to the combined shyness of both youths. Cloud had intended to leave for Midgar, to join SOLDIER and become a hero and impress Tifa. Never having made it beyond the rank of a common grunt, he was ashamed to return and tell Tifa of his failure.

Did one's feelings for their first love ever truly die?

Cloud reflected upon these things as they exited the closet and sat to join Marlene and Denzel. Marlene stubbornly ignored him, as was the habit of most children her age who had been upset by another. Denzel, however, went about as if nothing out of the ordinary had occurred. Cloud had affiliated that with the young boy's fixation on proving himself to be a man. It was admirable.

Life without Tifa would be unbearable, he decided as he took a reserved bite out of one of the sandwiches the barmaid had prepared. Cloud participated sparsely in the conversation, which was being conducted mainly by Marlene and Tifa. He figured the woman was appeased with his vow to remain living in the 7th Heaven.

But was Cloud really ready to move on? It had been over two years since the incident, after all… He began to question his previous notion that Tifa would stick by him no matter what. _She's probably sick of waiting for me…_

It had been pointed out by many of his ex traveling companions that Tifa felt something more than friendship towards Cloud. He, being clueless in the ways of women, save for Aerith, had never seen such advances supposedly made by his old friend; even though Tifa had practically spelled it out for him moments before, in the closet.

His wearied mind came back to Tifa as his eyes traveled up to hers. She was listening with rapt interest to a story Marlene and Denzel were relaying to her, her dark eyes warm as she gazed upon the two children. Would it be so wrong for Cloud to be with Tifa, even if he could only give her a fraction of what he was capable?

Tifa deserved to be happy, and if she felt she could find that with him, was it not wrong to tell her otherwise?

A phone call interrupted Cloud's thoughts, and Marlene's story (much to the displeasure of the six year old). Tifa arose and disappeared upstairs in search for the phone. For some strange reason, it never happened to be in its base…

"What kind of deliveries are you gonna make today, Cloud?" Denzel asked suddenly. Cloud looked up at him hesitantly; he was uncertain of how to act around children.

"Nothing major, just a few packages to Kalm and Junon," he replied, hoping that the boy did not ask to tag along.

"So you should be back by tonight, right?" Marlene piped up, her cold shoulder reasonably thawed.

"…Yeah." Cloud's quiet answer was slightly delayed. He said he wouldn't run away, and he would do his best to honor that promise.

It reminded him of that time, long ago, in Nibelheim. Cloud had asked Tifa to meet him by the well; he was going to tell her that he was leaving for Midgar and SOLDIER. He had been taken aback when Tifa had not pleaded with him to stay, but had asked him to protect her when he was famous. It was such an easy promise to make; back when Cloud was a kid and had bright hopes for the future.

_If only it had happened the way it was supposed to_, Cloud thought bitterly as Tifa returned. "That was Barret," she said as she sat beside Cloud. "He's on his way to pick up you two—" Tifa gestured to Marlene and Denzel, "—He said something about the Gold Saucer. It isn't nearby, so you might want to pack a few things."

Marlene lit up like a Christmas tree, while Denzel looked uncertain. It was understandable, Cloud remembered with a thin smile; the boy had met Barret under less-than-normal circumstances. "Come on Denzel!" Marlene shouted to her friend, snatching his hand as she hauled him out of the booth and up the stairs.

Tifa watched them, a placid smile on her face and warm amusement in her eyes. Despite everything, Cloud was relieved. He could attend to his deliveries in peace, if only for a few days. Speaking of deliveries…

"Tifa." She looked up at him, slightly puzzled. "I have to bring something to Junon…"

"Oh right!" She got up suddenly and began clearing the dishes. "Have a safe trip."

Cloud slid out of the booth and headed for the door, stopping as he reached for the handle. "I'll be back… I promise…" he murmured quietly as he focused on the monochromatic Edge that stared back at him through the window.

There was a pause.

"I know."

**]-%-[**

Tifa was lying on her twin bed, reading, when she heard Fenrir pull up beside the building. A smile tugged at the corner of her lips as the sound of the front door opening and closing met her ears. Things were finally looking up.

She laid her book aside and left the room, heading down the stairs. Cloud was in the kitchen area that was through a door behind the counter, rummaging through the fridge. Tifa leaned in the doorway, watching his spiky head bob up and down as he looked for something that appealed to his appetite. "How was it?"

"Quiet, surprisingly enough." His reply was serene, if not tired.

He withdrew, shutting the door with his foot. One of the sandwiches left over from lunch was clutched in his gloved hand, a noticeably jagged chunk missing from one end as he turned to face her. "What, did you starve yourself after you left?" Tifa asked jokingly as she turned and walked over to one of the bar stools, lifting herself into it in a relaxed manner.

Cloud followed, a light shrug rolling off of his shoulders. "I wanted to get back before it got dark."

A companionable silence encompassed the two as the blonde leaned on the counter across from her, chewing thoughtfully. _It's just like old times_, Tifa thought with a slight frown. Her heart panged; this love she had for Cloud hurt more than the nastiest of flesh wounds. She felt foolish for expecting one of those happy endings that were just too good to exist in the real world.

"What is it?" Cloud lowered the sandwich as he studied Tifa's face.

_Come on Tifa, it's now or never._

"Cloud…"

"Hm?" He abandoned his sandwich on the counter and disappeared into the kitchen, returning shortly with a glass of water in his hand. Taking a sip, he leaned against the bar, beside Tifa.

Tifa studied her nails, a light blush painting her cheeks. _Fighting an army of monsters would be easier than this…_

_No._

_If Aerith can do it, so can I! _With that, Tifa straightened and met Cloud's confused gaze. "Cloud, how do you see me?"

"I don't understand…"

Frustration flashed across Tifa's face, and she resisted the urge to slap her forehead. _I swear I've met drunks that had a better clue than him. _"What am I to you?"

Cloud's hesitation was evident. This reminded Tifa of when she had once asked Cloud if he loved her. She received no reply, although he was half-asleep at the time. She bit her lower lip. _Just this once… Please… can I have what I want just this one time? Is that so wrong?_

"Tifa…"

A sudden impulse seized her. It was so outlandish, so bold, and so very unlike Tifa. Her eyes sunk to Cloud's collarbone as she toyed with the idea. It was a leap, and it could ruin everything. But… waiting was _hard_. Tifa didn't know if she could do it anymore. _It's now or never._ Cloud shifted slightly under her stare.

Tifa leaned forward hesitantly. _Come on!_ Swallowing her shyness and fear of rejection, Tifa made the leap. She closed her eyes and stretched up, out of the barstool, towards Cloud. Their lips met, awkwardly at first. Tifa could feel the heat rise to her cheeks, but he didn't pull away.

]-%-[

She kissed him. Tifa Lockhart, barmaid and martial artist who was _known_ for throwing sleazy drunks through walls on a daily basis, had _kissed_ him. Cloud's mind short-circuited the moment their lips made contact. Hers were soft and warm, obviously more experienced than his. He didn't react, didn't move.

Cloud's mind, however, was on a high. A million and one thoughts raced around his mind. _Should I kiss her back? Or pull away? Do I even _know_ how to kiss?_

_Do I want this?_

He didn't want Tifa. He _needed_ her. The barmaid was his pillar, his lifeline. Without her, he would have been swept down a road of depression and misery. Tifa was there for him, always. Cloud responded, deepening the kiss. His eyes had closed of their own accord, and he noticed the tension flow from Tifa.

Everything they had was shoved into that one beautiful, toxic kiss. All of Cloud's loneliness, self-loathing, pain, and guilt. Cloud was wrong: it wasn't Aerith that he needed. He realized this as he marveled at how his and Tifa's lips moved as one, perfectly in sync.

If he lost Tifa, he lost everything.

"_Which is it? A memory or us?"_

Cloud squeezed his eyes shut, leaning into Tifa. They broke apart, breathing deeply, as if they had been unable to breathe, truly breathe, until now. She placed her forehead against his. Cloud opened his eyes, Mako-blue and maroon colliding in a way that was nothing less than perfect. "I'm sorry for making you wait so long…" Cloud whispered as Tifa cupped his face. Her hands were supple, despite their raw strength.

"You're here now, and that's all that matters.


End file.
